lisarey1990 posted: " Photo by Dee @ Copper and Wild on Unsplash This is the fifth part in my 12-part series The Inner World Of Bullying. What Bullying Feels Like Photo by Morgan Basham on Unsplash Being bullied is one of those experiences which yo"
Being bullied is one of those experiences which you don't know what it's like unless you've been through it. You go into a situation where you are just being yourself with all good intentions and you soon find yourself in this relentless spiral. It is usually every day which you face some form of abuse whether it is verbal, physical or otherwise and you feel like you can't break out of it. It feels very unfair, hurtful, embarrassing and awkward. You see other people not facing the same things you do and while you are happy for them, you don't understand why you have been targeted. But a survival technique comes into you and you feel like you must battle through to get to some better time and better place where things won't be like this anymore. You keep your dreams in your focus and they keep your spirits up that this won't be forever. Still the days while it is happening are long and difficult to get through. You want to just go about your business, do your thing but when you come into a situation where your bullies are present you can't avoid the taunts and the cruelty which they are always ready with and afterwards you often have to gather yourself together to fight through once more. Though difficult, you go through time after time of getting back up and fighting through once more. It takes its toll on your mental health and even if it doesn't affect you completely at the time it often does after when you have time to process all that you have been through.
Bullies like to find what they perceive as your weakness in order to exploit it. If they find out you are lacking in confidence about your appearance for example they will target that. If they find that you are very protective about your family and friends, they will make comments about your family and friends. You have to be constantly on your guard with them and it is maybe one of the reasons why people who have been bullied are overly guarded later in life. Yes, I can confirm that happens. There is a sort of a poker face I suppose you do without ever learning how to do it in order to survive and not give them any ammunition. The problem down the line is that you can tend to do that with people you don't need to do that with but when you face people who are not for your good it can be a useful skill to have. Still it would be better to learn it under other circumstances.
I often wonder what type of a person I would be if I wasn't bullied and if I didn't face other trauma I faced. Would I be more confident in putting across my opinion? Certainly I am not the best person at doing that in daily life or in a group situation. Honestly if I didn't write my opinion wouldn't come out very much apart from my chats with my sister who I can talk about anything with. It is a shock to me when people value anything I have to say because my confidence in what I think and say has been lowered by my experiences. Am I boring? Am I a troublemaker? Does what I say even make sense? Is things I say wrong? It is a shock to me or as my sister says a culture shock to me when I hear people being at ease having their opinions. Like having a cup of tea or something. I'm delighted for them and I admire them but I don't know how they do it. Nowadays we live in a very opinionated world and I adore it. The joy I feel at witnessing people fighting for the rights of themselves and others is immense. It makes me so happy beyond words. But I definitely feel I could have contributed my two cents much more if I wasn't so damaged in certain ways by the bullying and all the other trauma. I know that's the aim of people like that and I fight against that the best I can. The thing is though that bullying and facing trauma make you extremely passionate and when I get out of my fears those bad people with badness in their minds about people won't know what has hit them.
We are not taught in this world often enough that we can be all of these things if that's who we are and how we want to be. But it's so true. Bullies play on your quality of kindness and your fear that by standing up to them you are being unkind to them. You are kind, you don't need to prove it. If someone is bullying you or by extension abusing you in any way or being discriminating or ignorant towards you or anyone else, you have every right to stand up for yourself or someone else. It says absolutely nothing about your kindness and your goodness. Be confident and know you are kind and good and that you have every right to stand up for yourself and others who you see facing terrible things. Being strong is good too and having your opinions, from someone who struggles with that, is good when you are trying to help yourself or someone else facing unprovoked abuse. I forgot that I could be strong, opinionated, kind and good all at the one time and I know that is a source of many people's mental health problems. You can be all four and I admire the combination you have so much. Never believe the lies bullies and abusers tell you. You do you and be happy. There is so much hurt in this world, you are valuable and your goodness helps so many people out there. Keep going.
Bullying plays on our confidence. It can be unfortunately very powerful in doing so. Because of that it is vital that we try our best to keep our confidence as well as we can. This will help us with our mental health and our feelings about ourselves. Keep telling yourself how amazing you are and drown out all that untrue negativity. When doing that over time your confidence will grow stronger and stronger and you will become unstoppable against their bullying and hatred. You don't need to show them hate in return because that's not you but keep your confidence up. Protect yourself, that is far more vital than worrying about their feelings. They put their feelings first, you put yours and you'll be on your way. Gaining confidence is not a race though so take your time and take pride in your progress and achievements.
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